


Your Fight Is Over

by rwang938



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 16:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3536810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rwang938/pseuds/rwang938
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A week after the events on Mt. Weather, Clarke finds herself alone, battling her inner demons. But an unexpected visitor offers her a second chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has probably been done to death by now, but I wanted some closure for Clexa before season 3. Thanks for reading.

Your Fight Is Over

Clarke is woken late in the day by the bright rays of sun filtering in through the trees. Feeling a little lost and empty now that Mt Weather was behind her, she just lay in her hammock and watched the light dance across her skin. After all these months on the ground, she continued to marvel at the warmth of the sun and the sweetness of the air. On the ark, the oxygen was thin and always smelled vaguely metallic. Even so, she cannot help but wonder if maybe things would be simpler if she stayed up there. If they all did. Perhaps it would have been better if they all died together then.

This was supposed to be a new start for all of them. Instead there had been so much pain and death. She was sick of it. She could feel a weariness clinging to her bones. She said she would bear the burden for her people, but she was beginning to think the weight would crush her. Every time she allowed herself to think back over her choices, she could feel her chest compress until she couldn't breathe and waves of nausea would hit her all at once.

That's why she couldn't walk through the gates of Camp Jaha. It felt almost sacrilegious to go back to life as it was before, to pretend her hands could ever be clean again. Even Bellamy didn't understand at the end. He had tried to absolve her, forgive her. There was no forgiveness broad enough to save her now. She did what she had to do, though she wished there had been a better way. The truth was, given the same choices again, she would still have done the exact same thing to save her people. It didn't change the guilt. The guilt that had become so real as to be almost tangible, a pall that hung over her.

A week ago, she had walked away from her mom, her friends, and her people. She had set an immediate beeline back up to Mt. Weather. It had been cleared of supplies and the bodies had all been burned in giant bonfires, their allies and enemies alike. They burned together in death, as Clarke had burned them together in life. There were no grave markers. No physical reminder of the people who had survived here within their concrete prison for almost a century. No one to mourn the dead.

The Grounders had returned to their villages, although she had felt the presence of lingering scouts in her peripheral vision on occasion. It was likely they expected retaliation, though that was the last thing on anyone's agenda right now. For the most part it seemed they were giving the Sky people a wide berth, at least for the moment, whether out of respect, fear, or shame, who could say. It was quiet. It seemed even birds avoided this place now. Not that Clarke could blame them. There was still something ominous about the way the bunker jutted out of the cliff below and intruded into the skyline above. Clarke did not really know why she was here. It was like being in a trance, an invisible pull leading her back to the main door. The place where she was betrayed.

When Clarke had slid her knife between Finn's ribs to forge the alliance, she had thought "at least it's done now". She believed her heart was finally broken for good and any last shred of redemption died with him. But it was done, and a peace, however tenuous was formed and at least Finn's death meant something, when so few deaths actually did. In the end it had been for nothing. Finn and all the lives lost in the missile attack. All for nothing. Jus drien, jus daun. So maybe she got what she deserved after all. Maybe Lexa's betrayal was her ultimate punishment. Clarke's heart could still be broken after all. 

She couldn't shake the memory of Lexa from her mind. The commander had been so resolute and somehow so fragile all at once. Lexa had warned her. Love is weakness. In the absence of love, was Clarke stronger now? She certainly didn't feel like it. She did not feel much of anything anymore. She wanted to feel rage, she wanted to hate Lexa, to channel all of this emptiness into something actionable. Instead all Clarke felt was pity for her.  
Clarke had the benefit of sitting on her high horse for most of her life by being angry with the council, her mom, Jaha, Kane, Wells, and Bellamy in turn. She got to blame them for making the hard decisions. She got to set herself a a part from them. Then she was off the ark and watched everything down here fall to pieces. 

The learning curve was steep. And god did she learn quick. Clarke made the hard choices for what she thought was the right reasons these months past. But this was Lexa's whole life. She was no older than Clarke and her friends and yet she had seen so much more death and was responsible for so many more lives. Lexa had not been cruel, Clarke had only been naive. May we meet again. No they wouldn't, not in any real sense. Lexa and Clarke as they had existed in that  
moment were dead and buried. They were both different people now. Not better or worse, but different regardless.

Clarke spent that night in the shadow of the mountain. It was the first night she had been and felt truly alone since she landed. Her sleep was restless. She felt the presence of the dead all around. Men, women, and children surrounded her, their mouths open in silent screams as their skin blistered. Maya looking sadly into her eyes, mouthing "none of us are innocent". And indeed none of them were.  
It was so senseless. All they wanted was to live and yet there had been so much blood shed in the name of that survival. Her dad had taught her better than this. Her dad had given up his life because he believed that his people would come together for the common good. Her dad was a good guy. For a while, Clarke thought she could be one too. It turns out, her mom was right. Clarke couldn't see it...refused to see it for a long time. Clearly the line between good and evil had blurred long ago or maybe there was never any line to begin with.

At dawn, Clarke was exhausted but felt more at peace than she had the day before. This was her life now. She had to move forward. Now that her friends were safe, there were no more distractions. Clarke was left hollow and if she was honest she had to admit she didn't really know what was next. So she headed back down the mountain and weighed her options. The dropship and the bunker Finn found were useless to her. They came with too many unpleasant memories and there was no guarantee her friends wouldn't come looking for her there. She wandered for some time until she came to a river. She decided to set up camp until she figured out what came next. She spent the week fishing, hunting small game, and exploring. She finally started sketching again and had a chance to enjoy the natural beauty all around her. She was still vigilant and somewhat on edge though it had been quiet around her remote camp site. She kept a handgun holstered on her hip.

She spent her nights wrestling with her loneliness and uncertainty about the future. She was always haunted just below the surface. The peace and quiet was neither familiar nor comforting to her. There was no one to save her and no one left for her to save. She was in this for herself now. Clarke had nothing but her demons left. If only they could all stay in her head.  
Clarke felt the presence behind her before she heard it. Her reflexes had slowed somewhat, but she was still able to roll off the hammock and come up in a crouch with her gun drawn, heart pounding ready to face down the intruder.  
A startled fox stared her down briefly before darting into the trees.

Clarke exhaled and lowered the gun, managing a smile as she rose to her feet and backed straight into the person behind her.  
Clarke's gun was knocked out of her hand as she spun around. And the momentum knocked her to the ground. She scrambled to get on her feet--

"Clarke".

At hearing the voice, Clarke stilled and felt her body go cold.

Clarke always thought that when she wasn't wearing her heavy war make-up, Lexa looked like a young girl constantly on the verge of asking a question. And that exact expression was on Lexa's face as she looked down at Clarke sitting, somewhat panicked, in the foliage.

The commander's hair was in one relaxed braid coming down her right shoulder, and she was wearing a loose fitting black long coat over a black tunic, dark blue pants, and black boots. There was no armor and she was alone, as defenseless as a warrior like her can be.

Lexa reached down and Clarke flinched back instinctively. The brunette paused briefly before opening her hand gently. Clarke looked from the offered hand, to her gun a few feet away, and back again.

Finally she took the hand and Lexa hoisted her softly to her feet.

Clarke's mind was racing, evaluating escape routes and tensing her body, prepared for anything. But then she made the mistake of looking into Lexa's eyes which were boring back into hers. All thoughts of fight or flight evaporated. All Clarke could remember was the last time they were this close together, back when she thought that, with time, she could come to love the fearless warrior queen before her.

But that's not who she was seeing. The Lexa before her was not the hardened and determined heda facing all out war to save her people. She was not the bloodied and almost conflicted woman saying goodbye on Mt. Weather. She had changed of course. Like Clarke, the idea of peace had left Lexa feeling out of place, like a dull blade that was no longer useful and it showed in her demeanor. Who was Lexa under the armor, without the danger? Neither of the people in the clearing knew for certain.

"You shouldn't be here. You know better," Clarke spoke evenly and softly, breaking the charged silence that had boiled up around them. There was an undercurrent of anger that she hadn't expected welling up inside her.

Lexa swallowed and took a step back but moved no further, never taking her eyes from Clarke.

"I heard what happened with the mountain men. I expected you would return to your people. So when my scouts said you were out here alone...I...I was warned not to come. But I needed to--"

"To what? Explain? Apologize? You left me....left my people on the mountain when I...when we needed you. You should have let it lie. We've all made choices. We all have to live with them. Follow your head back to your camp, leave me alone. We both know that's what you're good at."

For a brief second, the stoic grounder looked almost physically struck by the hurt in Clarke's words. But the second passed quickly and a cool certainty returned to Lexa's face.

"No! I have not come to apologize or explain anything to you. As you say, I have made my choice and I do not regret it. I did what I had to do to save my people. But I did not set out to hurt you Clarke. More than anyone, you were the one I wanted to spare. I know there is nothing I can do to convince you. Still, my people live and so do yours, yet here we stand separate and alone….can you tell me now that you would not have done what I did?"

Clarke lowered her gaze as she felt her eyes fill with the first tears since Mt. Weather and willed them to stay there lest she show weakness now when she needed conviction. Her hands curled into fists and her nails dug into her palm as she lifted her head to look at Lexa. Clarke's initial bluster had turned leaden in her stomach.

"...I don't know anything anymore. I don't know who I am or what I've become. I used to think….things would be different if I had a chance to decide, to be heard. No, I didn't think I could do what you did but….I did worse. I did worse. You didn't see Lexa, I let them all die. There were children and people who helped us and I killed them all. I watched them scream until they stopped. They were people like us. They wanted to live. They made a choice too. There's nothing left now. There's no hope here. Every bit of good in us is going to be sacrificed. What kind of world is that? What kind of fresh start can there be? There's so much blood now. And we can't go back! There's no going back for any of us!"

Tears fell freely now, they rolled off Clarke's chin as she sunk to her knees. Lexa reached out to slow the blonde's descent, dropping with her and holding her gingerly in her arms. Clarke leaned into the crook of Lexa's neck and allowed herself to be held but did not return the gesture.

"I know Clarke. My scouts told me as much. That is why I had to come to you." Lexa ran her hands soothingly down Clarke's back.  
Clarke stiffened and pushed the commander away before moving to sit against a tree, slightly sobered. Lexa stood with a somber expression, her own eyes were moist though no tears came.

Clarke closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the bark, "Spare me your sympathy. I don't want to be comforted. I don't want forgiveness. I don't want you here. Just leave me alone. We are not the same. We never will be". She hoped she didn't sound as broken as she felt.

"I have no sympathy to offer you. There is no comfort for people like us. And even if you could accept forgiveness, there are none left alive to give it. The dead are dead. The living must live. Such is the way of the world. We bear our own burdens, I know this better than you. But you do not have to do it alone…..I once offered you a place in our capital. I wanted you to think better of my people. While I know you may never think better of me, that offer stands. I leave for Polis tomorrow at dawn, much is now changed amongst the clans and I must decide how to move forward. I think you now have the same decision before you. Our camp lies across the river to the east." Lexa looks as if she wants to say more but instead abruptly turns and walks back the way she came. She pauses a few feet away and turns with visible tear tracks on her cheeks, "may we meet again Clarke of the Sky People." 

She does not look back as she fades away into the green of the forest.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
Clarke sleeps soundly through the night. By sunrise, her makeshift camp is packed. She squints against the sun as she looks out across the river. She heads toward the light, never looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finds the journey to Polis is a long and trying one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did not plan to extend this beyond chapter 1 but there seemed to be interest...so...thanks for continuing to read.
> 
> This chapter has a bit of a shift in tone. Needed a break from the angst.

It was a two day walk to Polis and they had stopped to camp during the night of the first day.

The clans had all left separately. Tri Kru was the last to leave, most likely on Lexa’s orders. With the mountain men gone and the threat of reapers now reduced to the occasional straggler, there was no longer a common enemy binding them together. Old hostilities were beginning to slowly but surely creep back into the fold.

Clarke wondered what would happen to her people should the alliance crumble. They had been through too much already, a war with the grounders would destroy them for good. If the tides shifted against her people, she wanted to know as early as possible. That’s why she ultimately decided to come. At least thats what she told herself when she left her solitary camp. 

The truth was there was every possibility she would be killed before she could carry any message back and she had established no way to communicate with Camp Jaha, having not anticipated a return any time soon. So why? Why had she set out with the very people that had left hers to die?

When Lexa’s tear marked face filled her vision, she quickly squashed that line of reasoning. No, she had come for herself. She wanted to see more of this land, she wanted to leave everything else behind her.

Clarke settled herself away from the others. She was about to put up her tent when she saw the grounders were camping in the open, so she decided to do the same. When in Rome and all that. 

Whatever that expression meant.

Lexa had made no attempt to speak with her since their encounter in the woods and had only offered a nod when Clarke first walked into their camp. Clarke had spent the day walking next to Indra, who made no attempt to make conversation. This suited Clarke just fine.

The other grounders had been polite but aloof in her presence, many whispered as she passed and regarded with a kind of awe. Clarke quickly gathered that her exploits on Mt. Weather had become somewhat of a legend. Reputations built on blood tend to last forever. It meant everyone mostly left her alone, which was her preference. She had to remind herself that these warriors did not see her actions as monstrous but as courageous. She was the girl who fell from the sky, brought the dead back to life, forged peace with the blood of her lover, and burned their greatest enemies alive with little more than the flick of her wrist.

The grounder children even whispered that her stare could stop a person’s heart. The adults openly scoffed but still none met her gaze. 

To think, some months ago, she was only an upstart young girl, sketching on the walls of her prison cell. Although she was in a different prison now, nothing to go back to, and nothing to go toward.

Clarke began sketching the grounders going about their night time preparations and the great fire that they built in their midst. She was chewing on an apple when she felt the eyes of a young grounder girl on her. Clarke paused mid bite and managed a smile. The girl smiled back and seemed to take this as an invitation to approach.

“Klok kom skaikru, I am called Helina. May I join you in your night time scouting?” The girl about 8 years old, had close cropped black hair, multiple ear piercings, bright green eyes, and a beaming smile.

“Sure Helina. It’s just Clarke and I’m not scouting.” Clarke scooted to give the girl room.

“Really, I have seen you. Always watchful, taking in all that you see with much thought and writing them down in your book.” At this this, the girl reached out tentatively to touch the sketch book in Clarke’s lap.

Clarke flipped it open, “oh no, they’re just drawings, for fun... here, take a look.” 

Helina took the book with a reverence that made Clarke smile. The girl gazed at length at the beautiful drawings within of animals, and plants, and there was one of Octavia and Bellamy sitting quietly together when they first landed, one of Finn in the dropship, one of Wells on the Ark looking down at his chessboard with great concentration, one of her parents smiling with their arms around each other, and one of Lexa’s face without her warpaint. So much that would never be the same again.

“There are no drawings of Clarke?” Helina had been silent for so long, that Clarke had gotten lost her thoughts.

Clarke took the book back and closed it, “no I’ve never drawn myself before.”

“Why not?”

“Well I’ve never really thought about it. I guess it’s because I already know what I look like and there are beautiful things in the world I want to remember.”

“But Clarke is beautiful too. She must also be remembered!” Helina shouted, causing some of the other grounders to look in their direction.

Clarke laughed at her enthusiasm.

“...You think I am foolish like the others?” Helina looked away and her cheeks became inflamed.

“No! No! I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I’m just...you remind me of...good things that I have forgotten.”

“Oh! Does this mean you will put me in your memory book? I would like that very much..so you will not forget me.” Helina was beaming again, her earlier embarrassment completely behind her.

“I won’t forget you Helina...but yes, alright I will put you in my book. Maybe tomorrow, it’s getting late, I think you should head back to your parents now.”

Helina’s eyes widened before looking away, “nomon and nomtu...their fight is ended.”

Clarke placed her hand over the girl’s and gave her a gentle squeeze, “I’m sorry.”

Helina was silent before squeezing back, “can I stay here with you for the night, Clarke?”

“Sure. I’m happy to have the company.” 

Clarke helped the girl move her blankets over and Helina laid down beside her.

“Helina?”

“Yes, Clarke?”

“What happened to them?”

Clarke thought she had fallen asleep after a beat.

“...they...burned up in the fire that fell on Tondc.”

Clarke lay awake, looking at the stars for a very long time.

________________________________________________________

Helina stayed attached to her side the entire day.

The girl spent their journey talking about everything and anything Polis, and her friends, and plants that she had seen.

Clarke just let her talk and smiled and laughed and watched as she occasionally ran to the front of the caravan and back again. Helina seemed to know everyone and everyone knew her. Clarke understood the grounder war, the entire clan had come together to be family to the war orphans. Despite the fact that Helina’s unbounded energy seemed to irk quite of few of the adults, there was an undeniable fondness as well. 

Helina returned from one of her explorations with a bright blue flower which she handed to Clarke with a shy eagerness. Clarke took it and pressed it into her sketchbook and Helina gave her a pleased and strangely solemn expression before bounding off again, grinning like a maniac.

“Interesting choice.” 

Indra’s voice startled her.

“Indra? What choice?”

Indra smirked with a knowing expression, “you fight with us, make camp with us, and journey with us, yet there is still much for you to learn about our ways.” And with that Indra walked off to move to the front of the train, leaving Clarke baffled.

She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to see Michael beside her.

“Clarke. You accepted the girl into your camp last night and accepted her token of fealty today. In our custom, it means she has offered herself as your second.” 

“She did what? But I’m not a general!”

“You are a leader amongst your people and you are a fearsome warrior. You have earned the respect of my people, they recognize your authority.”

“What authority? I no longer lead my people!” He smiled and shrugged gently.

Clarke pushed through the crowd to catch up to Helina, when she finally got through after what felt like an eternity, she saw the girl at the front of the crowd, talking to Lexa.

Lexa saw her first and paused before gesturing her forward.

Clarke approached like a child waiting to be scolded.

“Clarke. Helina tells me she has offered herself as your second. You have earned the right to accept or decline. Do you find this girl worthy to ride beside you?”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow, smugly amused by the situation. 

Clarke was less amused. She looked from Lexa to the smiling girl and back again.  
“Helina...I...listen-” The flustered blonde began.

“Yes Clarke!?” Helina looked excited enough to explode. Lexa looked on with affected innocence.

“....I...I find you….worthy” Clarke sighed.

If Helina noticed the exasperation she didn’t show it.

“So be it, I will make it known. Interesting choice.” Lexa returned to the front.

“Why do people keep saying that?!” Clarke shouted at the commander’s back.

Helina was jumping up and down. “You will not regret this Clarke, I will thrive under your guidance, you will teach me to stop people’s hearts with a stare!”

Clarke had set out with no expectation of where this journey would lead her. She wasn’t even in Polis yet, and she was already being surprised.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finally gets some alone time. Unfortunately, a scolding from her second has her making rash decisions.

It was Clarke’s third week in Polis. She was currently sitting on the beach and looking out at the waves. She had given Helina the day to train on her own. Honestly Clarke needed the quiet. The girl was a bit more settled from spending time with her, which the grounders have told her is a very good thing indeed, that it wouldn’t do to have a warrior without discipline. Though, Clarke had very little guidance about how to train a second, she had naturally veered away from combat training and worked with Helina on basic medical techniques and at her request, painting and drawing. They both knew this would make Helina the laughing stock of her peers so they mostly kept it to themselves and Clarke had her run laps and do light sparring to keep up appearances and burn off excess energy. Surprisingly, Indra had also stepped in with fighting techniques, probably to keep Clarke and Helina from embarrassing themselves , but Clarke believed it was also because the warrior needed a surrogate after Octavia.

Helina had also been good for Clarke. She wasn’t sure it was a penance exactly, but to some degree she was responsible for what happened to Helina’s parents. In fact, on their third night in Polis, admittedly after some moonshine, Clarke had told her second everything from her time on the Ark all the way to Mt. Weather, leaving out Lexa of course. As a second, Helina was honor bound to secrecy, but Clarke knew the girl may very well break that bond once she knew the truth. Nonetheless, Clarke had an obligation to the girl now and she needed to see Clarke as less of a hero and more of a very fallible human being. Clarke was tired of secrets and making decisions that affected the lives of others. She had no intention of glorifying her actions to impress her ward.

After hearing that Clarke knew about the missile. Helina had left to go off on her own for three days, and Clarke was about to go looking for her when Helina reappeared one morning outside her superior’s door.  
___________________________________________________  
“I have given it much thought Clarke. The choice you made was bad, “ Helina had screwed up her face, trying to fight back tears but also earnestly trying to convey a point, “But you could not have decided differently either. I do not know what I would have done in your place, so I have no right to blame you. I am not a leader. I do not think I want to be a leader. Being a leader means making the bad choices so others do not have to. I am not so selfless I think. I am angry with you….but I also understand you...does that make any sense?”

“I think so. Sometimes I just don’t know Helina. I’m not even sure if I understand how to feel about the whole thing. But I told you because I think it’s important to be honest and take responsibility for what’s happened. I’m surprised you’ve thought it through, I thought you might not want to be my second anymore...after everything.”

“I made a promise when I chose you Clarke. I think...if i wanted to bond myself to a leader who has not made bad choices….I would just never be anyone’s second. My mother was a leader too. She killed grounders from other clans to protect our people before Lexa was the commander. She told me some were very young, not much older than me. That is the grounder way.” Helina managed a watery smile.

Clarke was conflicted. Though her second did not offer forgiveness, it was the most absolved she had felt since ever. She was genuinely touched by this young girl’s heroic efforts to empathize and yet, what a strange and terrible way it was to grow up being able to rationalize murder?

Regardless, Clarke knew there was still so much she didn’t understand about the culture she was now a part of and to that end, Helina was more of a teacher than a student and had been her guide these weeks past.

“Maybe that is the grounder way. Maybe it doesn’t have to be our way. I just wanted you to learn that we cannot run from the choices that we make, at least not for very long before they catch up with us.”

“...I don’t understand Clarke...then why are you running from the commander?” Helina was genuinely puzzled.

“What!? I’m not running from Lexa.”

“Yes you are! I thought we were being honest with each other. You have been avoiding her all along! There are some things you think I am too young to understand but I know something is going on. When my parents fought they would act the same way, dancing around each other and hiding things within their words like I was too stupid to see. Whatever it is, please settle it. You are both my hedas and I do not want to have to choose sides if it ends with combat to the death.”

“Calm down Helina, we’re not going to fight to the death!”

“Ah but you are running from her then?”

“I...you are very young Helina and there are some things that cannot be fixed after they are broken….. how about we find Indra and get you some combat training? Let’s go.”

“Fine. But do not think I am so easily fooled by your distraction.” Helina had left in a huff.

___________________________________________________________________

Helina wasn’t wrong about her and Lexa. For the entire first week, there was feasting, drinking, and dancing to celebrate the defeat of the mountain men, the return of their lost warriors, and the meeting of all 12 clans in the capital. The tension was still very palpable under the merriment. Many changes were happening beneath the surface and it was likely Lexa’s hold on the alliance was growing more brittle by the day. 

No one knew this better than Lexa who was in and out of council meetings for the most part, making her easy to avoid. They dined together every night since Clarke had officially been recognized as a leader in her own right and the other clan leaders were incredibly curious about her and tried to include her in all the official festivities, except the war councils which she was not privy to. She and Lexa exchanged pleasantries but rarely did much else. Clarke wasn’t doing it consciously or to be petty. There was just something about being around Lexa that muddied her thoughts. Clarke wasn’t angry exactly or hurt. The truth was everyone Clarke had ever cared about had made bad choices that ended up hurting innocent people, whether they meant to or not. She understood more than ever that things were complicated and nuanced.

On the day they arrived in Polis, Clarke had smelled the sea before she saw it, a bright shimmery blue expanse stretching toward the horizon before her. It took her breath away. From space, the oceans looked static, up close they were always in motion, tides came in and they came out. There was such power and mystery in the waves, she knew oceans were beds of life but they were also capable of such destruction. When Clarke waded in, it felt like she was placing herself completely at the mercy of a force of nature.

Being around Lexa made Clarke feel the same way, out of control and untethered. Always on the verge of being pulled under the surface. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Clarke just wasn’t ready for that. With Finn, at least in the beginning, he was a rock, an anchor keeping her focused and...human. He was the steady footing, she needed him. Lexa was something else entirely, they didn’t need each other, not in any real sense. So what was the magnetic pull that kept pulling them together? And conversely what was it that was holding them back?

It had been less than 3 months since she killed Finn. Yes, her love for him had changed when she escaped from Mt. Weather, when he was no longer her rock. Was it loyalty to him that was affecting her? 

Clarke was just scared. There was no other way to describe it. To care about anyone in this new world was inherently dangerous. People were expendable, Lexa cared about her but that did not change anything. Maybe one day Clarke would have to kill Lexa the way she killed Finn for the greater good. She doesn’t think she has it in her to do it again...but she would and so would the commander. Is there room for love, under those circumstances? 

Without thinking, Clarke found herself on her feet, brushing off the gathered sand that inevitably got everywhere, and heading to Lexa’s quarters.

The guards in front of the building exchanged a look before barring her way.  
“The commander is resting and does not wish to be disturbed at this time.”

Clarke hesitated, maybe this was a sign. A chance to turn around and head back to the beach before she made a stupid decision.

She turned and saw Helina and Indra a few feet ahead in the sparring circle, both had their arms crossed and were staring intently at her. Indra gave Clarke an almost imperceptible nod and seeing this Helina did the same.

Clarke sighed deeply. Alright, everyone here is officially too invested in her personal life.

The guards watched her walk up again.

“The commander is--”

“Right, yes. Resting. But this is important and it can’t wait. If I don’t do this now, I might never do it.”

“The commander is resting and--”

“Okay fair enough, alright then.” Clarke turns and walks slowly a few paces before running at the guards full speed and pushing through into the building.

“You cannot be in here! We will use force!”

“ENOUGH!”

The guards snap to attention, Lexa groggily reclining on chair is still intimidating after all.

“We tried to stop her commander-”

“Let her through and leave us”. Lexa rises from the bed in one smooth motion, reminding Clarke of footage she had seen of wildcats preparing to run after prey.

Without a word the guards leave the room and bring the door shut behind them.

Lexa makes no attempt to move closer and instead stares steadily at Clarke.

Suddenly all the words that had been on Clarke’s tongue were stuck in her throat.

The silence stretches between them for what feels like hours and Lexa never breaks her gaze or attempts to speak. Clarke realizes that it’s not because Lexa doesn’t want to speak, it’s that she is showing deference. The commander feels she has no right to speak first.  
Clarke takes a step forward, “I don’t love you. I don’t know if I ever will. But I accept the possibility that I may with time. I also know that if it ever comes down again to me or your people, you won’t hesitate to choose them, just like I want you to know I won’t hesitate to choose mine. Clearly this entire thing, whatever it is, is doomed to fail. But I’m here in this tent. That must mean something. And a little girl who doesn’t even know me and a woman who wanted me dead thought I should be here. So that probably means something too…. I’m not sure of anything else.”

Somewhere after “doomed to fail”, Lexa had started moving toward Clarke and somewhere after “anything else”, she was pressing her lips to Clarke’s with insistence. The fearsome commander had one hand on the blonde’s hip and another tangled into her hair. Somewhere along the way, Clarke was kissing back just as aggressively.

“They have been in there for quite some time. I hope they have not engaged in combat. Clarke will die and then I will never learn how to stop a person’s heart with a stare.” Helina moved toward the tent.

Indra’s firm hand stopped on the girl’s shoulder. “There are some things you do not yet understand, girl. Come, let us see if you are ready for weapons training.”


End file.
